


St Brutus's Secure Centre for Shaping Megalomaniacs

by TeachUsSomethingPlease



Series: A Hat Dumps the Universe on Its Head [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Almost Evil Harry Potter, Burglary, Character Death, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dark Harry, Gen, Murder, Smart Harry Potter, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, mafia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26461195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeachUsSomethingPlease/pseuds/TeachUsSomethingPlease
Summary: Uncle Vernon finds out there really is a St Brutus's and sends Harry there, even though the young wizard is barely out of Kindergarten. Luckily for Harry, St Brutus's isn't quite what his uncle was expecting. Join Harry, his best muggle friend Jet, Jet's sisters Ruby, Emerald, and Sapphire, and the Hogwarts crew as a decidedly megalomaniac yet somehow sane Harry wanders through Hogwarts quietly plotting how to take over the world. Two-shot.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore & Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Original Character(s), Harry Potter & Weasley Family, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley
Series: A Hat Dumps the Universe on Its Head [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904803
Comments: 17
Kudos: 150





	1. "Harry, No."

**Author's Note:**

> _So what if St Brutus's was in fact villain school?_ I thought, and pop! This work appeared. In which Harry is somewhere between benevolent dictator, Robin Hood, and a full-blown megalomaniac, with muggle allies and a few thoroughly weary wizard buddies.

There is something up with Harry Potter. Dumbledore can’t put his finger on it, but it’s there. The way he looks around the castle, gaze darting quickly, intensely, past doors and walls and corridors and crannies. The way he speaks, just a little too quiet to be ordinary, just loud enough for everyone to hear him. The way he seems to evaluate everyone he speaks to, sharp bright eyes fixing on them through round glasses, judging, but doing so in a manner so quiet not even the other teachers deign to notice. The way he’s indifferent to the rivalries, the social hierarchy, everything, regarding the leaders of each faction with equal senses of first-year wariness. Harry Potter acts like Dumbledore expected him to – acts it perfectly. Too perfectly.

Something is wrong, but whether it’s in the young boy or the old man’s paranoid brain, Dumbledore does not know. Not yet.

* * *

Harry James Potter has been alive for 11 years, but has only known his name for 7. It doesn’t matter. He’s the only one who calls himself Harry anyway. His relatives never called him by name, and he never shared his name with his classmates if he could help it.

Harry doesn’t have many friends. Just the one, though he hopes for more at his new boarding school. Sometimes he offhandedly wonders what would have happened if Uncle Vernon had never thought to send him to St Brutus’s Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys. If Aunt Petunia had exhibited her usual nosy behaviour in the boarding house, instead of turning up her nose. If he’d had to go to the same school as Dudley, those 5 years he spent at the Ides. It doesn’t matter. Uncle Vernon did send him there, and it’s a damn good sight he did.

 _Dear Jet,_ he writes. _I have so much to tell you. This is wonderful, better than the Ides. We’re going to have so much fun this summer, I promise. Tell the triplets I’m sending my love and a few of those sweets I told you about. Best, Leyden_

Jet isn’t his real name. Real names aren’t written on paper to incriminate you. Unlike Harry, Jet was sent to St Brutus’s on purpose by his father, a mafia boss. Jet’s father is dead now. Jet and his little siblings, the triplets, board full-time now. They’re going to take over the world together, him and Jet and Ruby, Emerald, and Sapphire. For now, though, Harry has a lot to learn, and an image to uphold. The magical world is only small. If a self-proclaimed Dark Lord can be defeated by a 1-year-old, this place is ripe for the taking.

* * *

“I’m not allowed to use magic outside of school,” Harry sighs. Uncle Vernon has sent him to St Brutus’s for the first half of the holidays. The Ides has a long summer term, and Harry is grateful for it. Time spent away from his relatives is mutually pleasant. And it means he gets to speak face to face with the McAlister kids, instead of sneaking out with pilfered coins to use a payphone. “If I try anything, the Ministry will show up and snap my wand.”

“That sucks,” Emerald grumbles. “What’s the point of magic if you can’t use it?”

“How do they know, really?” Sapphire asks. “Come on, Leyden, show us, please.”

“I they put trackers on your wand or something. It’s called the Trace, wears off when you’re 17.” Harry makes a face. “A little stalkerish, really.”

“No more than the usual surveillance,” Jet comments. “We might need to pull out plans back a few years. So, what exactly can this magic do?”

“Well…” Harry thinks back to the prior year. “I can make things levitate, create light, make a few potions, change needles into matchsticks, that sort of thing. But there’s a lot more, it just takes a long time to learn. One of the professors can turn her desk into a pig, another says he can put a stopper in death. There’s one guy who’s functionally immortal and another who’s been trying to become immortal and rule the wizarding world but got foiled by a 1-year-old…”

“The one who gave you that big old scar?” Jet asks, and Harry nods.

“There’s a lot you can do with magic, but they’ve got a lot of regulations around it. There’re brooms that go 200 miles an hour, teleportation, spells to knock people out, all that, but they’ve got so many laws to stop the normal folk from finding out.”

“Do you think,” Ruby asks, “There might be a way to get around this trace? Only this all sounds _very_ useful, Leyden.”

“I’ll look into it,” Harry promises, “But it might take a while. Oh! Here’s something you might like.” He rummages around in his trunk, moving away books and cauldrons (Sapphire raises her eyebrows at the quills; they’re far too close to her own aesthetic for comfort) until he finds what he’s looking for, holding up a silvery cloak. “Take a look at this, Rube.”

She takes it, frowning. “It’s a cloak. Pretty, but what’s it for?”

Harry shoots Jet a smirk and takes the cloak back from the younger girl, wrapping around himself and smiling smugly and invisibly to himself as four sets of eyes widen. “No,” Jet gasps. “No WAY.”

“That’s _sick_ ,” Emerald exclaims. “Think of what you could do with that! Do all wizards have these?”

“Nope, Ron from my dorm reckons they’re rare as. It belonged to my father.” Harry pops his head out the top.

Ruby quirks an eyebrow at him, which is amusingly cute coming from an (albeit villainous) nine-year-old. “What exactly was your father doing?”

“Getting up to no good obviously runs in the family,” Jet muses, eyeing the invisible spot around Harry’s torso appreciatively.

“Well, I think it’s obvious what we do now,” Sapphire says. “If we can’t see Harry do any magic, we may as well use that cloak for something. It’s big enough for all of us if we squeeze in, just about. Right, Harry?”

Harry grins. “Do you take me for a _teacher_ , Sapphire?”

“I’ve got a target,” Emerald suggests. “It’ll take some planning, but we can do it.”

* * *

_House Looted and Destroyed – Police Find Links to Human Trafficking Ring_

“If we’re going to take over the world,” Sapphire declares, comparing two very shiny necklaces, both adorned with the stones that are her namesake, “We may as well do it properly. We’re not savages.”

“Of course,” Harry smiles, brushing the ashes from his hands. “Want to sneak into Wizard Land and buy some ice-cream? I’ve got a few hours before Aunt Petunia will miss me.”

“Of course we do,” Jet snorts, pushing a lockbox under the bed and hanging the key around his neck. “Did you even have to ask?”

* * *

Hermione Granger is sick of the Wizarding World, and she’s only been there for a year. The ‘dark’ looks down on her for her parents and the ‘light’ looks down on her for her personality. She thought she was going somewhere she would finally find her people, but apparently not. Its disappointing, she muses to herself, as she sits down in an empty compartment, but life isn’t a fairy tale. Glancing outside, she watches the people go past, a sea of other magical people, and she wonders, for a bit, what it would be like to fit neatly into that sea, a fish and not some sort of out-of-place beaver.

A flash of black and green catches her eye, sunlight glinting off glass. Harry Potter is in her year, and she was ever so excited when she first found out, but he’s nothing like the books say he should be. Something’s going on with him. She’s grateful for him showing up on Hallowe’en night, but he acted strange. He thought too fast and slipped them away from the teachers’ gaze too easily. Ronald Weasley claims to be Harry’s best friend, but Harry barely interacts, not really. Sure, he appears to, but there’s some sort of barrier there. He lets people follow if they like, but doesn’t seem to pull them in. It’s like he just exists. His behaviour is unusual for the supposed saviour of the wizarding world.

He began to say he thought something, then something about his uncle, then was quiet, looking at the unconscious troll as if it might rise up and attack again. What was up with that?

She saw him with the Weasleys a few days ago while she was in Diagon Alley, getting her books. Gilderoy Lockhart tried to pull him up to the front of the room and Harry turned around and punched the man in the face, before stumbling back stammering apologies and things about memories. Strangely enough, he was fine moments later, yet she’s seen him sitting up late and unable to sleep in the common room while she pores over her books. Harry doesn’t like Lockhart, whether it be for his attempt to pull Harry into the limelight or something else, and while Hermione was originally impressed, Harry’s actions keep drawing niggling doubts to her mind, as if he’s sitting in the back of her skull and commenting for her.

The door to the compartment slides open and Harry sits down. It’s a surprise, but Hermione often thinks for a little too long. This is nothing new. What catches Hermione’s is that Harry is reading over a muggle newspaper. He doesn’t do anything more than nod and smile slightly to her, stowing his bags, before her’s comfortably placed on a seat, dead to the outside world, reading the paper. He seems pleased at something.

“What’s it say?” she asks. He doesn’t say anything, just passes over a few inside pages, which she scans. _Police still have no leads on a house which was looted and then had most of its insides destroyed by explosives last week. A number of pieces of evidence were found inside relating to human trafficking, leading Scotland Yard to believe this is a revenge case. The owner of the home, a man aged in his 40s, has denied involvement. Oddly, security cameras were able to catch multiple things moving, yet never any people. Supernatural expert Robert Barclay…_

Hermione stops reading and hands the paper back. “That’s good, I guess.”

“It is,” Harry agrees neutrally.

“The person who did it will still get in trouble, though,” Hermione sighs, more to herself than anyone else. When she next glances up, Harry is idly watching her, and she tilts her head slightly in question.

“There are no leads, Hermione,” he comments. “No fingerprints, no DNA, nobody seen on the cameras.”

It hits her. He’s pleased. Too pleased. Just a little too much. And Harry, if you believe Ronald, has an invisibility cloak.

She doesn’t comment on it, thinking, and Harry goes back to reading his paper.

Now that Hermione thinks of it, Harry never expressed much fondness for his family, but he’s always sending letters. Hitting a house of this size isn’t a one-man job.

She doesn’t question him any further, and he seems to appreciate it. “Mars Bar?” he asks.

If there was a time Hermione would have been squeamish about benefitting from the proceeds of crime, it’s gone now.

* * *

Hermione is petrified in the hospital wing, and it’s perfectly coincided with a key Quidditch match. Harry is insulted to the point that even Wood isn’t coming across as quite so fanatical. Ronald is looking at him like he’s cracked. Maybe he has, a little. Hermione is holding a piece of paper in her stiff, cold fingers. Harry wiggles it out. _Pipes._

Harry goes to follow the pipes in the school, though not before willing everything he owns to Jet. It’s probably not legal, but he may as well try. Ron insists on following along. Ron is a bit goofy, Harry thinks, but a good bloke. He has a nice family. Mrs Weasley insists on sending Harry presents at Christmas. Fred and George offered to help Ron steal their Dad’s car and break him out of the Dursley’s. Harry politely declined, but he appreciates it.

McGonagall isn’t particularly pleased at finding two of her cubs wandering around. Harry says they’re visiting Hermione. McGonagall acquiesces, but wards them off from further exploration. Harry isn’t sure how to feel about this. He settles for meekness. They don’t follow the pipes anymore.

Ron’s little sister Ginny goes missing. If the writing on the wall is to be believed (and Harry is quite inclined to do so), she’s been kidnapped.

Harry is _majorly_ insulted.

Perhaps he’s been getting a little possessive of his innocent people, he muses to himself later, covered in blackened blood, newly brought back from the dead and considering the merits of pinching a large amount of basilisk bits. The giant snake’s skin is the colour of a green highlighter, but it’s wonderfully tough and spell resistant and Emerald would wear it, if nobody else. The only problem is how to get at it.

Ginny is becoming properly lucid. They should probably get back before Ron murders Lockhart. It might be hard to prove the basilisk did it if the corpse is too fresh. Ginny sniffles. Harry remembers why he decided to come down here. _Insulted. These are MY Weasleys._

Together, dragging a large sword, a battered hat, and a well-stabbed diary with them, they leave the Chamber.

* * *

“You solved it!” Hermione squeals, bounding across the hall with far too much energy for a 13-year-old who’s been petrified for half a dozen weeks, catching Harry and Ron around the shoulders, and nearly knocking them into the celebratory feast. Ron turns pinkish, Harry notes to his amusement. Hermione, usually detail-oriented, ploughs on regardless. “You took my note and you solved it!”

It’s nice to be appreciated like this. It just needs a little more as a cherry on top.

It’s 3 AM when he turns to Hermione, who’s reading a book over pudding. “Hermione,” he says, “What do you know about tailoring and rendering 10-yard magically impervious snake corpses?”

“Was that English?” Ron asks through his fifth cupcake.

“Yes, it was, but why are you attempting to turn a basilisk into a fashion statement?” Hermione asks.

“Souvenir,” Harry replies. Too quick, apparently. Hermione’s face twitches just enough to let him know he needs to work on his mask a little more.

“I would try a dark curse,” Hermione says slowly.

This is why Harry likes Hermione.

* * *

“That is the ugliest dress I’ve ever seen,” Ruby says flatly.

“Shut up, Ruby.” Emerald snorts. “It just needs bows.”

“I think I agree with Ruby,” Jet says slowly. “Leyden, what _is_ that stuff?”

“That stuff is the Wizard equivalent of a bulletproof vest,” Harry sniffs. “I had to spend three hours in the library with Hermione to find out how to cut that stuff to shape. It’s not my fault there are no known spells that will force a dye to stick to it.”

Emerald jumps up and hugs Harry koala-style. “I love you, Leyden.”

“Thank you,” Harry replies. “I try my best.”

“So, Emerald gets a bulletproof dress,” Ruby says. “I get… curved. Things. Curved things with handles on them.”

“Basilisk fangs,” Harry explains, picking one up and weighing it in his hand. “I ripped them out of its head. The poison takes less than a minute to kill you and the only known cure is phoenix tears.”

“How do you know this stuff?” Jet asks curiously.

“Voldemort had a cursed diary that he used to possess one of my people’s siblings and make a basilisk slide around the school trying and failing to kill people with its murder eyes, but it kept failing so eventually the diary kidnapped the sister and I took offense and murdered the snake and the diary. Also I got bit but a phoenix saved me. The phoenix was there because I said the headmaster hadn’t deserted the school – he got kicked out by the board of governors, by the way, and I’m pretty sure the guy who blackmailed them into it was the one who planted the diary – so the phoenix showed up with a magic hat and I pulled a five-foot sword out of the hat to stab the snake.”

“You’re screwing with us,” Jet says.

“I wish,” Harry snorts. “I’m considering showing up to school next year in a padded suit.”

Ruby considers her murder implements, then carefully wraps them back up and sticks them in a lockbox under her bed. Harry takes this to be a sign of approval.

“So, Emerald’s dress is essentially an anti-tank vest, Ruby has instant murder sticks, what’s this?” Sapphire asks. “It just looks like a normal set of knives.”

“It’s bone steel. Hermione told me about it. Apparently the Vikings thought if you made steel with your enemies burnt bones in it the weapons would be strengthened. It’s actually just the carbon that makes it better, although those are bones from a basilisk tail, so it might also have some other effects,” Harry replies.

“That’s metal,” Sapphire comments. “I think I’ll collect these made out of my enemies.”

“What did Leyden get you, Jet?” Emerald asks, holding ribbons up to her dress and trying to figure out where they’d be best placed.

Jet smiles and holds up a silvery material.

“It’s not like my father’s, I don’t think,” Harry admits. “Mine is an heirloom, these ones supposedly go opaque after ten or fifteen years, I couldn’t find any like mine, but it’ll serve well for those ten or fifteen years, and they’re pretty hard to detect.”

“In ten years’ time we’ll rule the world and we can buy as many as we need,” Jet says comfortably. “We’ve got another raid in order and this is perfect. It’s been boring without you, Leyden. Goldheel’s lot are encroaching on us, you know.”

“How convenient,” Harry purrs. “Let’s do it.”

* * *

_Wiltshire Bandits Strike Again – House of Suspected Paedophile Looted and Destroyed_

“People are starting to call us vigilantes,” Ruby grumbles. “It’s not our fault the scum of the world is rich.”

“Exactly,” Sapphire agrees. “We’ve got to get our funds somewhere, and drugs are plebeian.”

“I’m thinking of buying this property here,” Jet says. “What do you think? It’s got a good location and everything.”

“Do it,” Harry affirms, barely looking up from his list of targets. “You’ve got a good sense of that stuff.”

“Can we get magic candy tomorrow?” Emerald asks. “I’m craving Cauldron Cakes.”

“Can you wait ‘til overmorrow?” Harry asks. “I think I’ve got one more target before I visit the Weasley house.”

* * *

_Cult Leader Stabbed to Death in Home During Robbery – Splintered Bullets Found Littering Scene_

“Why did you have to stab her?” Jet asks wearily, grabbing a chocolate frog. “There was blood _everywhere_.”

“She was annoying me,” Sapphire protests, waving a liquorice wand. “When people get in the way, I stab. Besides, _naðrbein_ needed to be baptised.”

“At least we known the dress really is bulletproof,” Emerald says thickly through her cake.

“And there are still no leads,” Ruby adds smugly. “Hey, Leyden, are you going to eat any of this or not?”

Harry, who is sitting on the bed holding a large Galaxy, shakes his head. “I only get to eat these for a month or so a year. I can eat _those_ whenever I like. I’m good.”

* * *

“Harry,” Hermione sighs, “When I complained about the lack of support in robes I wasn’t asking for you to commission a basilisk-hide corset.”

“It’s bulletproof, and possibly Killing Curse proof, though I couldn’t find any human volunteers for the test,” Harry replies evenly.

“I know,” Hermione sighs. “It’s just – never mind.”

There’s a short silence, but before it can become awkward, the Burrow is rocked by a loud explosion. A few seconds later, Ron pops out of his room and trots down the stairs, apparently supremely unperturbed. “Harry, mate! Thanks for the muggle sweets, and that shirt. I’ve been meaning to ask, though, why’s it so green?”

“They’re green because he made them out of the snake,” Hermione says flatly before Harry can respond.

Ron blinks. “The – OH.”

“Unfortunately, the thing repels magic, so I couldn’t dye it a different colour,” Harry chirps. “Although… I suppose we could claim we’re wearing the skins of wayward Slytherin firsties.”

“Is this related to the massive skull Ginny turned into a garden feature?” Ron asks. “Because she just came home with it and nobody wants to question her when she’s vindictive.”

“Yeah, that’s the Murder Spaghetti’s head,” Harry replies cheerfully. “I thought she might like it. Garden feature, you say?”

“Yeah,” Ron says. “It grows roses now.”

“Lovely,” Hermione comments dryly.

That evening, when Hermione has left for her own home, Mrs Weasley prepares an oversized supper and they sit outside in the garden under conjured lights, basilisk skull gleaming pearly white against a backdrop of green grass and blood-red roses.

“Ron, what are you wearing?” Percy asks. “That shirt’s as bright as Lockhart’s robes.”

“Present from Harry,” Ron explains.

Mr Weasley stops chewing for a moment and looks up. “Is it in any way related to the skull your sister brought home at the beginning of summer?”

“Same snake,” Ron says thickly, stuffing a potato in with half-chewed beef.

“It’s where it belongs,” Harry proclaims cheerfully. “On the backs of blood-traitors and muggleborns, and the head buried in the garden. These peas are lovely, Mrs Weasley.”

“Thank… you, dear,” Mrs Weasley says, apparently torn between affection and wondering what on Earth she had decided to adopt. Instead of trying to puzzle it out, she turns to the twins. “So, I heard another big bang today, boys. What have you been doing?”

Fred takes a large breath and puts the tips of his fingers together, adopting a solemn expression. “So basilisk blood is slightly explosive…”

* * *

“You’re out of bed,” Hermione comments.

Harry turns around at the fireplace, wrapped up in his cloak. To his surprise, Hermione is also fully dressed. “So are you.”

“Of course I am,” she says. “Somebody has to go with you.”

“You’re not going to ask where I’m going?” Harry asks curiously.

She snorts. “I probably don’t want to know, Harry. How many houses have gone boom in Wiltshire? _Six. Six houses._ Somebody needs to stop you from going after a – a cockatrice, or something. Wait – you’re not going to track down Black, are you? Oh, Harry, please don’t.”

“Relax,” Harry smiles. Hermione is far too sweet, even if she can be right snarky sometimes. “I’m going to the Ministry. I want to check their public files.”

“So why are you sneaking – no, I don’t want to know. Like I said, I’m coming with you, so let’s go.”

Harry shrugs, turning back to the grate. “Of course. Come on.” He grabs a pinch of floo powder and throws it into the flames, before stepping into the fire. “The Ministry of Magic!” he cries, and the world spins, first faster and faster, then to a halt as he stumbles out into a barely-lit Ministry atrium. A soft ‘poof’ tells him Hermione has just popped out behind him and he glances around, wondering where to go, before settling on a desk with a bored-looking attendant behind it.

The attendant takes their wands and checks them, gives them badges, warns them not to stay up too long, the Hogwarts express leaves tomorrow, after all, and sends them off in the direction of a massive room of papers. A quick scanning of the shelves quickly reveals the criminal proceedings files; they’re ordered alphabetically and Harry grabs the ‘S’ and ‘B’ sections from 1981 and proceeds to rifle through them. After a few passes, he glances up, frustrated. “Hermione, is there a spell to summon an object?”

“Yes, _accio_ – but Harry, we’ll get in trouble!”

“The Trace works on proximity,” Harry points out. “It’s probably going haywire from us being in the Ministry anyway. I’m going to try it, anyway. Wand movement?”

“Upside-down ‘u’,” Hermione tells him, biting her lip nervously, and Harry raises his wand. “Accio Sirius Black file.”

Nothing. He tries again. “Accio Sirius Black File.”

Still nothing.

“You might be doing it wrong,” Hermione suggests. “Let me try. Accio Sirius Black File!”

A sheet of paper shoots down from the shelf, and for a moment Harry is elated, before he sees the heading and his smile fades. “That’s a birth certificate.”

“It is,” Hermione says slowly. “But – Harry – what does this mean?”

“It means,” Harry replies grimly, “That someone is playing games. Somehow, I find it hard to believe two things – that Voldemort could be vanquished by a 1-year-old, and that a man could murder another man so violently there was nothing left but a finger. In my case, I’m pretty sure either Mum or Dad did something. Black’s case doesn’t make sense. And he never went to trial.” He stands up, slots the papers back into their place, and turns around, face set. “I want to know why.”


	2. Harry, Yes!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Harry Potter.

Scabbers is thin, Harry notes. Thin and stressed. Ron thinks it’s Hermione’s new cat Crookshanks, that the cat has something against his rat. Crookshanks does seem rather fixated on the rat, but Harry knows that’s not the cause of Scabbers’s stress. After all, he was peaky in Egypt – _before_ Hermione met her fluffy, flat-faced companion. He’s written to his muggle friends about it for advice, because it worries him, and an hour into the train ride, Hedwig appears at the window, tapping to be let in.

 _Capture and test it_ , Jet writes.

 _Murder it. It’s a liability,_ Ruby says.

 _Interrogate your friend. He’s not the most logical one in the classroom,_ Emerald writes.

 _Buy it off him,_ Sapphire suggests.

“Who’s writing to you at this time of year?” Ron asks, feeding Fudge Flies to his scared rodent.

“Muggle friends,” Harry says absently, folding up the letter, then thinking better of it and flicking his wand. Hot sparks fall through the air and slowly burn through the paper, destroying everything written on it.

“You have muggle friends whose letters you burn?” Ron asks in shock.

“I… my Uncle sent me to a school for delinquents,” Harry says slowly. “Trust is hard to come by.”

“Oh, Harry,” Hermione sighs, leaning over and giving him a hug – a very tight one. “You should have told us.”

Harry smiles to himself. It’s simultaneously pleasant to have people who care so much, and adorably cute that after all this time, his magical companions are rather innocent. “That reminds me,” he says, when Hermione lets go and settles back into her seat. “I got you something, Ron. Forgot all about it.”

Ron blinks at the object Harry yanks out of his trunk. “It’s a book,” he says blankly.

“It’s a muggle story,” Harry explains. “I thought you might like it.”

“Well, okay,” Ron says doubtfully, taking it from Harry’s outstretched hand. “Thanks.”

“Why don’t we do some magic before we get to school?” Hermione asks suddenly.

“C’mon, Hermione,” Ron grumbles.

“I found a good curse,” Harry says slowly. “It seems easy. We could use it on Malfoy if he interferes.”

Ron perks up. “Cool.”

Hermione rolls her eyes. Harry smiles inwardly. It’s nice to be back.

* * *

Professor R.J. Lupin has a good mask, but not nearly as good as Harry’s. And Harry, as Leyden, spent years breaking down Jet’s, and his sisters, to put them back together after particularly nasty schoolyard moments. Harry knows three things:

  1. The professor recognizes him
  2. The professor feels a connection to him
  3. The professor is hiding something.



“I haven’t poisoned that chocolate, you know,” he says with a wry smile, stepping back into the compartment. Harry takes a cautious bite, left hand stealing to his pocket. Call him paranoid, but Harry always carries a bezoar around, even if he’d never admit it to Snape’s face. The chocolate makes him feel warm after the dementors. After the screaming.

The Professor rides at the front of the train for the rest of the ride. After a bit, Harry makes an excuse and leaves to find him. Hermione is following him a few minutes later. Hermione’s like that.

“Can you teach me?” Harry asks. “That spell?”

“It’s very difficult magic,” the man says quietly. “Many fully-grown wizards can’t do it.”

Harry pauses. “Can you teach _Hermione_?”

By the time Harry and Hermione return, Harry is feeling very smug.

“What was that all about?”

Harry has forgotten Neville and Ginny compartment-crashed them. “We’ve got lessons.”

Ron sighs. “Nerds.”

* * *

Harry’s mind is reeling. Every time he goes near those monsters, he collapses; he’s accidentally turned Ron into a Robin Hood fanboy; his patronus takes the form of a stag; Scabbers is acting like a haunted Furby; Black has tried to break into Gryffindor tower, only to attack Ron; the twins’ map hold four names that seem a little too close for comfort…

“Hemione,” Harry whispers, at the end of one particularly nasty Potions class, “I need to go to the library. Come with me?”

Hermione comes, of course. Hermione would marry the library if it were alive, or at least, that’s what Harry thinks to himself. “Well?” she asks. “What’re we looking for?”

“Quiet,” he replies, and Hermione cocks her head, looking puzzled.

“Harry?”

“Lupin’s a werewolf,” he whispers to her. “Right?”

“Yes,” Hermione says slowly. “But, Harry, he’s really nice, and he seems to be taking steps to keep us safe…”

“I’m not worried about him,” Harry says shortly. “I’m worried about Scabbers.”

“Scabbers? You think he’s going to eat Scabbers?” Hermione asks in confusion. “Werewolves only attack –”

“—humans, I know,” Harry breathes. “Thanks, Hermione. I’ve got to go find the twins.”

The twins, as it turns out, are quite easy to find. You just follow the sound of laughter, yelling, and general chaos. They’ve ‘rescued’ half a dozen bowtruckles and a bonsai tree and dumped it in the middle of the great hall. Apparently, the bowtruckles quite like their new home, because they’re attacking the teachers every times they make an attempt to move the tree. Fred and George are, of course, pleading innocence, claiming they just wanted to take the tree-guardians sightseeing. It probably doesn’t help that they borrowed a second year, a rather dreamy-looking girl with blonde hair, to help them. Said second year girl is confirming their claim, only her face is entirely empty of mischief. It’s hard to tell, even for Harry, whether she’s genuinely missing the humour, or just very good at faking it.

“Fred. George.” They turn around, faces breaking out into identical, evil grins. Harry is sure they were some sort of demons in a past life. The freckles don’t even seem to do anything to hide the possibility they’re planning on some sort of high crime. Sacrificing Cassius Warrington to Satan, probably.

“Harrikins,” Fred says. “What can we do for you? Blow up a bathroom?”

“Paint Malfoy yellow?”

“Tie Ronnikins to the castle roof?”

“Flood the Charms Classroom?”

“No, no, certainly not, and no,” Harry says. “I need some information. About you-know-what. Made my Christmas, by the way.”

“Wonderful, my dear chap,” George grins.

“What’s you know what?” the girl asks.

“Oh, yeah, this is Luna, our neighbour,” Fred says, waving at the girl. “She acquired the tree.”

“Hello, Harry Potter,” the girl smiles. “Nice to meet you. Ginny talks about you a lot.”

“She does, doesn’t she, George muses. “Anyway, what did you need to know?”

Harry spares a glance at Luna and raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, she’s fine,” Fred says. “She’s not about to sell you out or something, unless you happen to know how to find a cr – cranky snorkel –”

“Crumple-Horned Snorcack,” Luna says patiently, utterly unperturbed by Harry’s suspicion of her. Harry is impressed. It seems she genuinely doesn’t care.

“That,” Fred agrees. “You don’t, do you?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, I don’t. Come over to the corner?” he asks, eyeing the teachers who are still trying to persuade the bowtruckles to move. So far, only Hagrid has had any success, with one bowtruckle happily residing in his coat of many pockets.

“Okay,” George says slowly, and they foursome shuffle over to a corner near the end of the Gryffindor table. “So,” the redhead says, crossing his arms and leaning against a wall, “What’s going on that you need us to be so secret.”

“Well,” Harry says, and two pairs of eyebrows raise at his slightly heightened tone. Just loud enough for the teachers to catch if they try. “It’s about you-know-what, but I need you to… swear for me.” He eyes the twins carefully. If they miss this, his plan is going to get a whole lot more complex. “You know. How we do it.”

Luna is watching with mild curiosity as Fred and George glance at each other, their own questions far less restrained on their faces. “Well, then, Harrikins –”

“—how can we turn that up? We –”

“—solemnly swear—”

“We’re up to no good!”

They finish in tandem as Harry shoots a surreptitious glance at the teachers. A single figure has stiffened slightly. Good. "Luna," he says, "If you won’t swear to keep this quiet, I’m going to have to send you away.” He doesn’t know why he’s affording her this trust; he hasn’t done this is a long time, not since Carmine betrayed him and Jet.

Luna doesn’t ask any more questions. Perhaps that’s what draws him over. “I solemnly swear, Harry Potter, I am up to no good, so may it be.”

“Ah, this is why we love you, Luna,” George beams.

“Well, I solemnly swear I’m up to no good,” Harry says, once again just loud enough to be heard. McGonagall sighs, muttering something about ‘Weasleys corrupting Lily’s boy’ and ‘vulnerable Potter blood’. Lupin, however, is attempting to eavesdrop without being noticed. Exactly what Harry wants. Along with answers, of course.

“What’s up?” Fred. “Is it good?”

“You know that map’s old, right?” Harry asks. “But not super old. Thirty, forty years at most. Anyway, mission from beyond the grave.”

“The _what?_ ” George asks.

“We’re gonna need two things,” Harry says, now too quiet to be heard. A set of barely-discernible green eyes narrow slightly in suspicion. “One, a distraction. Two, an inescapable cage about yay big.” He makes a shape with his hands, about as big as Crookshanks’ basket. “Oh,” he adds, almost as an afterthought, “And Scabbers.”

“Scabbers? What do you need our brother’s battered old rat for?” Fred exclaims. “And why not ask him?”

“You could find a better rat, anyway,” George adds. “Scabbers is almost as old as you! Missing bits and everything.”

“I’m aware Scabbers is missing his toe,” Harry says patiently, “But it’s very important its him. Now listen…”

“That’s very risky, Harry Potter,” Luna says, after he’s done whispering the distraction plan.

“It’s okay,” Harry says, firmly and clearly. “We’ll meet up when we’re done for the final bit, in the empty classroom opposite DADA, okay? I’m pretty sure none of the teachers will catch you.”

“How can you be so certain?” George asks.

Harry smiles. “I’ve done riskier things.” Much, much riskier, in fact. “Trust me on this. I’ll pay all of you off for helping.”

“We don’t need to be paid,” Fred says, voice slightly clipped.

“Of course not,” Harry says evenly, “But payment is not always in galleons.”

* * *

As Harry approaches the dorm room, Ron is in a tizzy. Scabbers is gone and he can’t find him. Harry thinks to Luna, currently rat-sitting, and Fred and George, whom he passed pelting down the corridor followed by Peeves and half-a-dozen giant chickens. At least they can genuinely say it’s not all their fault. There was only meant to be one, anyway. As Ron starts ranting about Crookshanks, Harry slips into the room and grabs Ron’s arm. He knows where Scabbers is – the rat tried to escape a marauding pair of cats (and isn’t that wording perfect?) and Harry and this blonde girl in Ginny’s year chased her down. Ron recognizes the description and wants to know where Scabbers is. From there, it’s not hard to convince him that Hermione needs come too, because she’s good at magic and might know something about Scabbers’s new condition. Harry doesn’t specify what the new condition is. Nor does he warn Ron that he’s recently sent word to the Aurors that there’s a suspected Death Eater opposite the DADA classroom.

By the time they’ve collected Hermione, Fred and George are already outside the classroom, talking animatedly to Professor Lupin about the time they started a food fight in the great hall. There’s a slight glint in Fred’s eye. The twins are smarter than many give them credit for, and perhaps they’ve noticed that they’ve only earned a single detention for tempting fate around a poltergeist, or that their teacher has been watching them since the incident in the great hall with a particular look. Whatever the case, the twins now have an alibi for when the recently engorged and mildly peeved salamander appears in the Great Hall.

Scabbers is motionless in his cage, but Harry assures Ron that he’s just sleeping – tired after escaping the cats, surely. Scabbers is a fighter, he says, just like Peter Pettigrew was, the one who faced off Sirius Black and became nothing but a finger. Hermione stares at Scabbers like she’s just seen him, then at Luna. Luna, to her credit, retains her dreamy expression and waves, asking whether Hermione thinks engorged fire burns hotter and colder. She thinks colder.

Professor Dumbledore looks magnificently confused as he sweeps into the classroom, followed by a mildly irate Professor McGonagall, and, for some Merlin-forsaken reason, Filch. Fred and George claim Professor Lupin as their alibi, and do a magnificent, if over-the-top, impression of not knowing what’s going on. Their usual theatrics makes it hard for anyone to know if they really were in the know, of course. Minister Fudge has shown up – as Harry expected, the Ministry thought they were talking about Black. Madam Bones and Aurors Scrimgeour and Dawlish look confusedly at the rat in the cage. Ron is even more confused, while Hermione looks absolutely horror-struck all of a sudden. It can’t be, she whispers, and Harry puts an arm around her. It is, and it’s horrible.

This is Scabbers, Harry explains. Ron’s rat, and Percy’s before him. A wonderful, faithful creature for 12 years, who got into a fight in his youth and lost a single finger. He’s been stressed since Black broke out of prison. He must admit, a few people are here on false pretences, and it’s entirely his fault there’s a giant salamander rampaging around the school, but it’ll soon shrink. He thanks everyone around him – the Ministry for coming at his call, the Headmaster for his concern for his students, Lupin for his stories of his family, Hermione for her intellect, Ron for always being there for him, Fred and George for being useful scapegoats, Luna for helping him capture a runaway rat. McGonagall for teaching him that sometimes bravery is not about rushing headlong into stupid things, Filch for teaching him that magical animals are not quite all they seem. Filch looks surprised, which doesn’t shock anyone, though Harry’s perfectly even tone of voice certainly does. And Harry explains that he recently found out Scabbers has a condition where he uncontrollably turns into a human if hit with a certain spell.

They were fooling about with hexes, he says, does Ron remember? And the redhead does, commenting that Scabbers was always nice enough to take the spells before they tested them on each other. And Harry explains how he found a certain spell in a certain book and decided to test it. It’s implausible, but Harry Potter is not known as the brightest wizard. And it’s all Madam Bones needs to grab the rat and have Scrimgeour test out the spell on him. Scabbers grows into a man, as Harry expects, a man who jerks awake and tries to scramble away. A man who gets jumped on by two angry, considerably solid red-heads and narrowly escapes a thumping (“-sleeping with our BROTHERS, you Merlin-be-damned pervert!”) as Madam Bones sternly advises them the Aurors will take things from here. Fudge is in shock, as Harry explains that during the war, Bagnold and Crouch may not have quite done things as they should have, that he’s glad the Minister came down to see this. Dawlish has to be explicitly ordered to check for the Dark Mark – which is there, white and pale and hard to see but so very there, on the snivelling man’s skin.

Afterwards, multiple people are in shock. Fred and George are shaking with anger, Ron with shock. Hermione is still looking utterly horrified, Professor McGonagall is white, Professor Lupin looks like he might be about to throw up. Filch is muttering something about why he should have let Mrs Norris eat the rodent long ago, murderers in the castle making a mess for him to clean up. Dumbledore casts his usual figure, calm, serene. Harry doesn’t trust him, not now.

People filter away slowly, mostly back to the Hall, where, according to a sun-bear Patronus that strolls into the room, the salamander is _still huge_ and _still rampaging_ and _it’s playing keepy uppy with the Slytherins, what is going on, why did the Minister just walk past and look grateful?_ The children are left standing in the room. Ron is still staring at the cage. Harry squeezes Ron’s shoulder. He’s sorry he had to trick Ron, but Scabbers was such a good rat ron would never have believed him. It’s okay, Harry will figure something out to make up for Ron’s lack of a rat. They need to go now, or they’ll miss out on a massive lizard playing volleyball with green-clad ponces.

When they get to the hall, the salamander is determinedly whacking people into the air, even as the spell slowly wears off. Ron wants this burned into his memory forever. Fred is muttering something about chickens, where are they, why have they not gravitated to the centre of food, damn it, Peeves. Harry smiles, then trots over to a certain, shabby Professor. Thanks for not killing the twins, Moony. It was my idea after all. He leaves the hall, shooting an evil grin behind him. Fred definitely has that glint in his eyes right now. Mischief managed.

* * *

“Harry, why did you give me this book?” Ron asks one day.

“Hmm?” Harry looks up. It’s Easter break, and he’s once again staying over at the Burrow.

“Why?” Ron repeats. “It’s great and all, but now Hermione is handing over these newspaper clippings, and they’re all… it’s not _real,_ is it?”

“If Robin Hood was ever real, it was years ago,” Harry says. “Centuries.”

Ron nods slowly, silent for a moment. “I miss Scabbers. I know he was a Death Eater, but before that, he was just Scabbers, right?”

Harry nods in agreement. It’s happened, now; Ron is not the 11-year-old who got on the platform on his first day. It’s ironic that his little sister reached this stage before him, really, but in the end it makes no difference. Percy was similarly shaken up, guilty over never realising. Harry assured him, with carefully shy words, that it wasn’t his fault, if Fred and George hadn’t shown him something really cool, he would never have known. There was no way to know. Percy’s a good brother.

“Harry,” Ron says again, and Harry looks up. “Hermione knows something I don’t. Did you tell her, or did she figure it out.”

“Figured it out in 2nd year,” Harry replies evenly.

Ron is thinks quietly. It’s different somehow. It has been since the rat incident. “Harry,” he says again. “You said you had muggle friends.”

“Yeah.”

“They know,” Ron says. A statement, not a question.

“They do,” Harry agrees. Green eyes meet blue, even and unflinching. Ron’s job is to judge, now.

“What’s human trafficking?” Ron asks tentatively. “It was mentioned in the article, but Dad’s never heard of it.”

“Slavery, mostly. Sometimes they nick your organs,” Harry explains calmly.

Ron’s eyes widen. He looks revolted. “What for?”

“Muggles can’t just regenerate like wizards do. Sometimes, if muggles are ill, their – say, kidneys, maybe – they break. Normally, doctors – that’s healers to you and me – would find a person who’s dying in hospital of, I don’t know, being stabbed, and ask the family if, when that person goes under, they could have a kidney. The family says yes, the doctors stick the kidney in the person whose kidney broke. Except there’s not enough kidneys to go around, because lots of people don’t let the doctors take a kidney, and doctors work hard to keep the person alive anyway. So sometimes people get kidnapped off the streets so they can take the kidneys and sell them to people whose kidneys are broken.”

Ron stares. “What?!”

“Muggle medicine,” Harry shrugs. “They make do without magic, and it works fairly well, but people don’t get stabbed all that often.”

“That’s horrible,” Ron decides.

“It is,” Harry agrees. “But people grow rich from it.”

Ron watches Harry through the corners of his eyes for a moment. “Harry.”

“Mm?”

“What are you doing?”

“What everyone else at the Ides does.”

Ron tilts his head. “A minute, Harry?”

“Sure,” Harry says, standing up. “As long as you need.” He claps Ron on the shoulder and gets up. He’ll go down to the garden. Maybe help Ginny polish the Basilisk skull. It’s getting a bit grimy.

Ron is unsure, but then, as he says a few hours later, what’s change without risk? Hermione said something like that, anyway. Probably. In any case, Harry has some new comrades for a heist.

* * *

“Hey,” Harry says quietly.

The dog tilts its head at him, tongue lolling out. Its covered in dirt and grime and smells like it tramped through a garbage heap. It’s also the size of a small bear. Harry thinks it’s brilliant. “Woof.”

“I tried,” Harry tells the dog. “But it was blocked in the Wizengamot. Something about collaboration.”

The dog watches him through big grey eyes. No grown dog has grey eyes, no dog that’s really a dog.

“So, you’re my godfather.” Harry sees ears perk up and a tail wag at the statement. “On the run from the big man. Professor Lupin reckons you ran away from home when you were 16.”

“Arf,” the dog agrees.

Harry slowly reaches around and hugs the dog. “Ew, you smell. You really need a bath, you know.”

The dog snorts.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Harry lets go and looks at the dog. “I live with Aunt Petunia now.”

A low, angry growl.

“Yeah, they sent me to St Brutus’s for Criminal Boys.” Harry sighs. “Look, I gotta tell you now, I’m not a carbon copy of Dad. It’s not like you can really spill on me anyway, you’ll get kissed. Whatever. I’m going to take over the world with a band of muggles, muggle-blooded wizards, and blood traitors. We’ve been hitting rich muggle crims, but one day we’re going to hit Death Eaters.”

The dog looks as confused as a dog can get.

“I’ve got a plan, if you want to come with me,” Harry says quietly. “Professor Lupin reckons you were a good guy. And, I dunno. He’s a bit stiff, but he was the stiff one, wasn’t he? I know muggles who’d keep you. They’d probably love you, actually.”

The dog arfs softly.

“Hagrid’s hippogriff is sentenced for execution at the end of the year,” Harry tells him. “Hermione’s got it all worked out. We’ll come down and look sad, one of us will break a mug if you need extra time, and you take Buckbeak and fly to the Black House. We’ll pick you up as soon as term is out.”

The dog makes an odd motion with its head. Harry interprets it as a nod.

“Alright. See you, Sirius.”

Harry leaves behind a large bag of sandwiches, but he doesn’t feel much better. It’s not conscious, but part of him remembers this dog. The justice system is toast, Pettigrew won’t be kissed. At least Harry knows what he’s going to get as presents for his muggles. A bunch of magicals.

* * *

“Leyden!” Emerald squeals, latching onto his side. “I missed you!”

“Did you bring us candy?” Ruby asks.

Sapphire snorts. “Straight to the point, I see.”

“Hey, Leyden,” Jet sighs. “Sorry for them. I tried locking them in their room but Sapphire picks locks from the inside now.”

“Hi, guys,” Harry grins, carefully disentangling himself from Emerald. “Yes, Rube, I brought you candy.”

“Jackpot!” Ruby chirps, grabbing a box of ice mice.

“Did you bring us anything else?” Sapphire asks eagerly. “We held our ground fine, but everyone else is growing and we’re looking like you’re our only useful person.”

“Flattering,” Ruby grumbles, teeth chattering.

“As sad as it is, she’s right,” Jet sighs. “We need more resources, and we can’t get more men until we’re older. Every other circle is headed by someone who’s seventeen or older. They’re big game, Leyden.”

“I did bring other presents,” Harry says, and Emerald lights up. “But we have to do some travelling first. Think we can get a car somewhere?”

“A bit dangerous to go alone in a taxi, and none of us can drive without police chasing us,” Jet points out.

Harry grins, and pulls an oversized flask from his pocket. Its full of a familiar mixture, brown and gloopy. Good old Hermione.

“You brought mud,” Ruby says flatly.

“Polyjuice potion,” Harry corrects delicately. “Gives a single hour of a false identity for each dose. This is enough for three hours, I think.”

“What kind of false identity?” Sapphire asks slowly.

Harry smiles and pulls two corked ampoules from his pocket. He knew he kept these for a reason. “Well, we have a Mr Gilderoy Lockhart, or a Mrs Narcissa Malfoy. So. Who’s driving?”

* * *

When Sirius spells the door open and bounds into the entry hall as Padfoot, Narcissa Malfoy is looking curiously at him. This would ordinarily cause him to commit massive-explosion-and-Padfoot-defenestration, but Narcissa is wearing muggle clothes – more specifically, a bright red knee-length dress with a big bow on the front and gold trimming. The day cousin Cissy wears Gryffindor colours and muggle dress will be the day Hell freezes over and Heaven burns, and today is only mildly cloudy. Narcissa is not Narcissa.

There are two other girls in the entrance hall, identical in size, both with curly blonde hair. Both are wearing similar dresses to ‘Narcissa’, though the one in green seems to have a dress that’s grown scales. Green is looking curiously around as Red is, butterfly clips dancing with each turn of the head, while Blue is fixing his mother’s portrait with a malevolent stare as she screeches about muggles and filth.

“Padfoot!”

Harry has stepped into the entrance hall, a massive grin on his face, wand in one hand, other hand at his belt – that’ a rather large knife. Kid sure is keen. Sirius arfs at the girls turn their attention to him.

“What are we waiting for, Leyden?” Blue asks. “This is cool and all, but what are we doing? And do we get to torch this place? Crazy woman’s bugging me.”

Sirius barks in appreciation. Torch it! Explode it! Stomp on Walburga’s portrait and flush the bits down the loo!

Actually, the portrait is stuck to the wall, but there’s probably a muggle method for dealing with things that are stuck to walls.

“Wait for Jet,” Harry responds. “Soon, Sapphire. We’re picking up something important. This house belongs to a contact of mine.”

Sirius yips in agreement.

“What’s with the dog?” ‘Narcissa’ asks. “He’s very excitable. Your contact hasn’t been giving him drugs, has he? Cause that’s one very big, very friendly dog.”

“No drugs, Ruby,” Harry assures her. “Well. Maybe alcohol.”

Oh dear. Harry has a little too good a measure of him, Sirius sniggers to himself. Dog’s can’t snigger aloud; it comes out as a sort of spluttery, barky noise.

“Leyden! Girls!” A blonde boy, similar to the girls but with less curls, steps through the open door, glancing around. “Ha, I thought this place was magic. What’s up with the portrait?”

“No clue,” Harry says cheerfully. “Padfoot, where’s your stuff?”

Sirius barks and trots off into the kitchen. Harry follows him, and after a few moments, so do the others. Sirius is all packed up, and has been for the last few days – they came up with a fairly decent plan, the two of them, even if Sirius was a dog 90% of the time and could only make doggy noises.

“Great,” Harry says, picking up Sirius’s trunk with surprising ease. “Anything else, Padfoot?”

Sirius shakes his head. No, there’s nothing else. He’s emptied his room, packed every relic, light and dark, even stolen the salt from the pantry. The house is uninhabitable, unless you use the house-elf to grab some stuff. A lot of stuff. Sirius may have shrunk down a few pieces of furniture. He’s not sorry.

“Alright!” Harry nods to the others. “We got it.”

“So, we’re not allowed to set it on fire?” Ruby/Narcissa asks, pouting.

“Not even the painting?” Sapphire moans.

“What’s with you guys and fire?” Green asks.

“Shut up, Emerald,” they chorus.

Sirius woofs and Harry turns to him. “Padfoot?”

Sirius barks at the grate, then turns around, runs out the room, and barks at the portrait, which is now screaming about shame and burying spawn in the garden.

“The dog says we can burn the house down?” Jet asks, amused. “Your magic dogs are pretty smart.”

Sirius doesn’t know whether to preen or feel indignant. He settles on preening.

“I guess if Padfoot says you can, you can,” Harry says simply. “I’ll pack the car.”

One and a half hours and a car chase later, Grimmauld Place is nothing but a pile of ashes, and St Brutus’s is holding one (1) criminal more than normal.

“Okay,” Ruby says, shifting back into herself, much to Sirius’s indignation (he never got to steal a car and drive it when he was her age!). “What’ve we got?”

Harry grins. “We’ve got Padfoot.”

Sapphire stares at him. “We went to all that trouble for a dog? I mean, nice and fluffy and all that, but really, Leyden?”

“Not just any dog,” Harry says smugly. “Are you, Padfoot?”

“Arf,” Sirius agrees.

“This is our ticket to magic. And my godfather.” Harry grins. “Nice and dual purpose, eh?”

“No offence, Leyden,” Emerald says, “But how high were your parents?”

“How high are you, is more the point,” Ruby cuts in.

“Sis…” Jet groans. “Leyden, you’d better have a good reason for tomorrow morning’s whiplash neck.”

“Hey, at least we finally got to steal a car,” Sapphire snorts. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“Not the point,” Ruby grumbles. “So, that bear pretending to be a dog is your godfather?”

Harry nudges Sirius with his knee. “Go on, then. Safe, I promise. I’d trust this lot with my life.”

Sirius cocks his head at Harry for a moment, then turns back. A second later, fur recedes into skin, a snout recedes into a nose, eyes change shape, and a worn but distinctly human Sirius is standing next to Harry. “Afternoon, kids.”

“Isn’t that the serial killer?” Ruby asks.

“No, but not for lack of trying,” Harry tells her flatly. “This is Sirius Black, my dad’s best mate, and now your pet Snuffles. I’m homing him here while our justice system tries to suck his soul out.”

“I only tried to kill one person,” Sirius grumbles. “Death Eaters don’t count.”

“God, Harry,” Jet sighs, “You don’t do things by halves, do you? Magic and now this…”

“Oh yeah, and I’m bringing friends on our next raid,” Harry added. “Y’know, feel free to pinch the little ones as they come…”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Emerald says serenely, “Sapphire is already corrupting the eight-year-olds into dressing like wizards for the sake of it.”

Sirius scrunches his nose and Ruby pounces. “See! He’s a wizard and he thinks it’s a bad idea! I told you it was bad taste.”

“I have an aesthetic,” Sapphire says primly.

Jet rolls his eyes. “How ‘bout we hit one of these?” He holds up a set of files.

Harry smiles. “Show me.”

* * *

“Everyone gets a knife,” Jet explains kindly to Ron. “Most of the time we don’t actually use it. I’m pretty sure Sapphire’s the only one who’s actually stabbed someone.”

Ron glances nervously at the pretty young girl in the black and blue dress. Sapphire is adept at walking the invisible line between goth and cute, and most people don’t dream of her being the dangerous one. Sapphire waves back with a big grin, the other hand on her hip just above her bone steel dagger. “So, the knife is just in case?”

“Basically,” Harry says, coming over. “We’re not asking you to assassinate the Queen. But one day things could go pear shaped, and when they do, you’re not going in unarmed.”

“Where are we going?” Hermione asked nervously. “I know you do this a lot, but that doesn’t mean I have to feel safe.”

“Chillax,” Ruby sighs. “We’re not losing you on the first day. You’re useful.”

Hermione looks doubtfully at the girl.

“Don’t worry,” Harry tells her. “Ruby is a little utilitarian, but she’ll grow on you. We’re going under the cloak. The same as we normally do. Jet, you got everything?”

“All ready, just waiting for Snuffles to stop looming outside Goldheel’s room.”

Harry snorts. It was Jet’s idea, but Sirius loved it. Goldheel has always been a problem, actively encroaching on their territory, feuding, ever since Carmine turned traitor. Now he gets to worry about the huge, toothy, grinning, bear-sized dog staring into his window at any given opportunity. Sirius thinks he’s getting close to cracking. Neither Jet nor Harry can wait, though Harry is interested. Sirius was rather cautious in the first days. Jovial, sure, but cautious, and Harry was worried Sirius might not be able to fit into his life quite as he needed to. Apparently, though, Sirius nursed a grudge against the Supreme Mugwump for failing to step in. And that made him very much the Padfoot Professor Lupin had spoken of.

“He nearly wet himself,” Siirus announces gleefully, stepping into the room a few minutes later. Nobody seems to pity him. It’s hard do. Not everyone at St Brutus’s is capable of empathy, and why give if it will never be reciprocated?

Alright, gang,” Harry says, with a wide grin. “You up for it, Jet?”

“Full speed ahead, Leyden,” Jet replies, with a smile of his own.

* * *

_Winchester Bandits on the Rise Again – 8 Homes Destroyed. Police Suspect Gang Activity_

“That went well,” Sirius says smugly, crossing off the final name on the list and high-fiving Sapphire. Sirius likes Sapphire almost as much as he likes Harry. Apparently, their mutual love of things that are just slightly too vicious for comfort, driving way too fast and with no regard for rules, and drinking (Jet despairs, but Sapphire can bust into a liquor cabinet hidden in Fort Knox) makes them kindred spirits.

“Only got shot once,” Emerald agreed. “That confused them.”

“Yes, well, there’s a reason they call it point bland,” Jet snorts.

Harry sighs. “I’m just annoyed we had to stab someone again.”

“Next time, we can bring our own guns,” Ruby says steadily. “Less mess.”

* * *

Harry politely declines to show up at the Weasley’s too early – he has muggle friends he hasn’t seen, remember, but he’d love to come over a day or two before – do they mind if he brings his dog? There’s a lot to be said about the dog, but it can’t go in this letter. He can? Is Mrs Weasley sure? Thank you, you’re wonderful, really. I can’t wait to come over.

“I wish we could go,” Sapphire sighs. “Sounds like a great sport.”

“If you enjoy moving far too fast and breaking people’s bones, sure,” Harry shrugs.

Jet sniggers. “Your kind of sport, then, eh?”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees. “Welp. I told them I’d floo in about three minutes ago. C’mon, Padfoot.”

Sirius barks and jumps into the fireplace. Harry follows, and after a short but majorly disorienting spin, topples out of the grate onto Mrs Weasley’s nice clean floor.

“Hi,” he says, looking up at the Weasley matriarch as Sirius snuffles in a way suspiciously reminiscent of stifled laughter. “Sorry about the floor. I still haven’t really figured out floo travel yet.”

“Oh, that’s alright, dear,” Mrs Weasley sighs, picking him up and brushing the soot off. She flicks her wand at the ground and the mess vanishes. “See? It’s nothing, really, Harry.”

“Thanks,” Harry smiles. “I’ve got my trunk – this is Snuffles, by the way.”

“Oh, yes, you did mention him,” Mrs Weasley says, with a slight frown. “You said there was a little more to him?”

“I’ll explain it a bit,” Harry sighs. “Snuffles, could you…”

Sirius trots out to the backyard, to where Ginny is caring for her basilisk skull. Harry recently showed her the magic of muggle varnish, and now it _shines_. Snuffles apparently thinks it’s quite interesting. Harry smiles. “Where should I put my stuff, Mrs Weasley?”

“Oh, up with Ron,” Mrs Weasley tells him. “He’s been excited… probably reading one of those comics, or that book you gave him… never seen him so fascinated by printed word, though I must admit, the story does suit us rather…”

* * *

Harry’s ‘in a bit’ turns out to be after dinner, when everyone is seated around the table, even Percy and Hermione, both of whom have been spending inordinate amounts of time buried in books. Harry touches the tips of his fingers together, watching the family carefully over his tent. Sirius is still outside – chasing gnomes, this time. After Azkaban, Harry is unsurprised.

When he begins to speak, he first goes over the general occurrences of the last year – dementors, teachers, Scabbers, Black. The dementors draw shudders, Scabbers reflected horror and disgust. While the Weasleys gave emotive accounts, Harry places everything factually, blandly, almost. It’s surprising what the four boys and one girl missed collectively about the whole debacle.

Once he’s sure the topic is clear, he moves on to Ron’s new book. Well, not new, now. Everyone in the family has read it – his parents out of curiosity, Percy because it’s a muggle book and therefore a learning experience, Fred and George because the weapons looked wicked, Ginny because she wasn’t about to be left out. Harry carefully speaks of the ideas, the protagonists and antagonists and the various endings. Ron is dissatisfied by some of the more negative ones, and says so. Harry agrees. The good guys don’t have to be subjugated.

And then he takes a step back in time again, explaining how he caught onto Scabbers. Funny how nobody really asked for more when he pointed out the basic deductions. Now he explains about the files he searched with Hermione, Scabbers’s affliction, his own suspicions – you can’t just vaporise someone, there are bits strewn everywhere if you use magic, Black should have been covered in blood, but he wasn’t. Uncontrollable laughter, a sign of insanity, or of a curse. The nail in the coffin for his case, he says, was when the Wizengamot moved to block a trial for the on-the-run Black. That told him something was up.

Mrs Weasley looks concerned for him. What is he getting at, she wonders, and Arthur agrees. Is there something he needs help with? Molly loves him like a son, he knows this, doesn’t he? And Harry nods over his fingers. Molly does love him like a son, and that’s why he trusts them with this instead of going behind their backs. Ron and Hermione can attest to what he’s going to say, and he implores them to think over the evidence and not the emotion, if they can, though he won’t blame them for shock and disbelief.

Sirius Black has been there the whole afternoon. He’s sat next to their daughter, been chased by their youngest son. Been in the exclusive company of Harry for many a night. He’s currently committing genocide on their gnomes. Sirius has helped Harry. He’s promised to help Harry intimidate the Dursleys, during the small time he has to stay with them, and he has.

Harry has a plan, see? The Ministry is failing. While Percy sits in his room slaving over his cauldron bottom report, two more officials are receiving bribes to allow substandard materials to slip through the cracks. A teacher removes himself after backlash due to a condition he can control – how long is it before they crack down on the free spirits, like Fred and George? Arthur will never receive a raise, never be put in charge of the Muggle-related offices that don’t exist but are desperately needed, the ones on better relations and integration and balancing cultures. Ron will never reach his full potential, burdened by pure-blood supremacy. Ginny will forever be held back by the reminder of a haunted diary and a snake, never climb higher lest she marry profitably and excel in her role both as working woman and then mother. Hermione will never have a single discovery or idea broadcasted, dismissed as impure blood. Harry will be forever exalted as saviour yet condemned as celebrity. A painted figure, nothing more.

So Harry is going to change things. He’s already changing things in the muggle world. He’s already brought down over a dozen of the muck, and netted a decent profit out of it too. No matter how you see it, Voldemort is rising. He was rising when Harry arrived at school. He’s only getting stronger. Harry is going to rip through the current structure and rebuild things, then rip through muggle Britain and rebuild it too.

Arthur looks doubtful, but Harry soothes his doubts. He doesn’t expect them to fight, to throw themselves on the line for him. They are Harry’s Weasleys, he just wants them safe, though if they want to come along with him, they’re welcomed. Molly doesn’t need to worry about her children being hurt out of recklessness; Harry will do his best to keep them safe. Basilisk hide, he reminds them, is practically spell-proof.

Ron’s okay with it. He’s been okay for a long while. Percy, ambitious Percy so often cowed, even now, under the label of blood-traitor, grabs onto the idea with both hands. Fred and George are a given. It’s chaos. It’s going to screw over the pure bloods. Done. Hermione has known for longer than anyone else and has made her peace with it. It’s part of why Harry is so fond of her – she sees the rot clearly, clearer than anyone else he’s met. Ginny, who is just as vicious if not more so than Sapphire, is eager. Cautious Arthur and doting Molly are more reluctant, not to accept, but to be so abrupt. Is it wise to completely take over Wizarding Britain?

But it’s not like Voldemort. Voldemort did it openly. Harry has already quietly been disassembling the underground. The only open warfare is at the Ides. The only open warfare in this place will be at Hogwarts, and there it manifests as a war of minds. They don’t need to completely uproot Britain. A takeover can be gentle.

The Weasleys all agree, in the end, and Sirius comes bounding in to jump on laps and hug multiple ever-so-slightly disturbed people with a little too much energy. Apparently the gnomes haven’t worn him out, not yet. Harry smiles. He knew his Weasleys would come. That’s why he likes them.

* * *

When Harry’s name comes out of the Goblet, he doesn’t know whether to laugh or rage. He’s not stupid – something is up, and the Tournament is known for killing off its contestants. So he does the only thing that makes sense at that moment – fakes a panic attack. Gasping, uncontrollable muttering, wide eyes and trembling – it’s far too easy, it sways the school, and it pisses off Crouch. Harry doesn’t like Crouch. Crouch is irritating and in the way.

He’s to compete anyway, but he has an alibi for the entire night – time spent listing names, countless names that are enemies or dangerous or just plain inconvenient, with Ron and Hermione, though if anybody asks, they were trying to figure out how to enchant a broom to act like Harry’s Firebolt. Come to think of it, that’s a pretty good idea, but it can wait. For now.

The first task is coming up and it’s dragons, and Harry laughs to himself, because after a Basilisk, what’s another multi-tonne scale machine? There are ways, he thinks to himself, ways around these things, without him needing to go anywhere near the dragon, but he digresses. Cedric Diggory is apparently the most capable person in the school, and one more ally won’t hurt.

* * *

“Well,” Harry says calmly, “We have a problem, don’t we?”

“Undiluted bubotuber pus,” Ron groans, holding the open envelope out gingerly.

“I’ve got a numbing salve in my trunk,” Harry tells Hermione. “We’ll go upstairs and put that on your fingers, and then Madam Pomfrey can work her magic. Ron, if you don’t want to keep that, you should probably hand it over to your brothers.”

“Right,” Ron mumbles. “No more opening mail, I suppose?”

“Not from people we don’t recognize,” Harry says gravely. “Looks like we’re moving a target around, my dear friends.”

* * *

_Rita Skeeter found in remains of destroyed home! Reporter amnesiac – evidence of illegal activity found!_

“What a coincidence,” Harry purrs, putting the _Quibbler_ away. “I wonder when the _Prophet_ will be telling us about their missing reporter, hmm?”

“The _Quibbler’s_ full of trash,” Pansy Parkinson sniffs.

Harry tilts his head. “I think you’ll find, my dear schoolmate, I was suing Miss Skeeter at the time of the… incident. I’m afraid it may be hard for me to sue someone who doesn’t remember what she’s done, though I’m sure I can prove Auror Dawlish wrong if I try hard enough…”

Hermione steps over and leans closer to him. “Harry,” she whispers, “You’ve got a letter from the Ides.”

“Excuse me,” Harry says, standing up and smiling at the Slytherins. “I have an important piece of mail to read.”

* * *

_Dear Leyden_

_23 of your 57 targets located. 1 of 23 hit._

_Somerset and Dorset targets both hit. Snuffles is getting reckless._

_Have gained control of Goldheel._

_We miss you. Stay safe._

_Jet_

Harry smiles and puts the letter away, before holding his hand out to Ginny. “Ready?”

* * *

“Just so you all know,” Harry says, loudly and clearly, watching the empty surface of the lake, “I’m not dating Hermione. That’s all. Accio SCUBA gear.”

He’s there in a quarter of an hour, but lingers – he knows he’ll be blamed if anything goes awry, Boy-Who-Lived and all, and Fleur isn’t showing. No matter. The girl isn’t too heavy, not in comparison to Ron, anyway, and it’s hardly as if he can’t afford the air, an Indetectable Extension Charm (thirteen failures say nothing of the fourteenth try) has seen to that. Three hours, and nobody shows up. Cedric and Krum are long gone – Harry wonders, offhandedly, if anyone would realise if he die, right there, under the lake. Probably not. Bastards. He grabs Ron with one hand, the girl with the other, and pops up out of the water a quarter-hour later to shocked gasps.

“You know,” he says, just loudly enough to be heard, as they’re bustled off to Madam Pomfrey’s, “I think some accidental magic might have happened with the tank. I could have sworn there was only an hour of air.”

* * *

Nobody told Harry that Pettigrew had escaped. His last hopes for the Wizarding World expire. Cedric is dead. Stupid, noble git. Everyone cheats in the Tournament. Wearing the hide wouldn’t have been so hard. Maybe then he’d be knocked out instead. It’s passed, now. Instinct tells Harry to be still and wait, even as a rag is roughly shoved into his mouth.

Bone of the father, flesh of the servant, blood of the enemy. Does it count as forcibly taken if he’s tied up but unresisting? It doesn’t matter. Lord Voldemort is risen. The war has begun. Followers are summoned, and Voldemort is speaking to them, reprimanding, torturing, gloating. Voices, some familiar, some not, whisper and submit and jeer. The Cruciatus is more painful than any muggle injury and it’s all he can do not to jerk back and crack his skull against his stone backing.

They’re going to have to go.

Eventually, he’s forced to his feet and given his wand, left to fight for himself against one of the most powerful dark Wizards of the 20th century. Wands connect to phoenix song and lights and the ghosts of past atrocities; for a moment Harry wonders if it will be him, standing in Voldemort’s place, one day. No. He’s not Voldemort. A conqueror can be benevolent.

Connection, break, expelliarmus, accio, grab Cedric –

“They’re crazy,” he gasps out. “They spelled the Cup – they think Voldemort’s back – Minister, they’re crazy! I – I’m sorry. Cedric…”

People are screaming. For once, he doesn’t blame them.

“I promise,” he says quietly, “I’ll deal with the people who did this. They’re trying to resurrect Voldemort – this is my fault, if I hadn’t asked Cedric to take it with me – I promise, I’ll deal with them.”

And he will, but not in the way people imagine.

* * *

“Dumbledore wants Sirius to open up Grimmauld Place,” Lupin tells them.

“We burnt it down,” Sapphire says gleefully.

“I’m aware,” Lupin says dryly. “Harry, why are you and your friends trouble magnets?”

“Hermione’s not,” Harry points out.

“Questionable,” Ron comments, and Hermione hits him with a comic book.

“So, is he or isn’t he back?” Jet asks. “Only, I’d like to know if the muggle-hating megalomaniac is after us.”

“Yes, he’s back, but I told everyone it was just crazies trying a few dumb things,” Harry says.

“That’s the Ministry line,” Hermione adds. “Tragic accident.”

“Dumbledore’s been telling everyone it’s really him,” Lupin says.

Sirius snorts. “I suppose he wants us to join up again?”

“Well, I think that’s the point of using your ash pile,” Lupin points out idly.

“I’m busy taking over the world,” Harry whines, pouting. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Yeah!” Emerald exclaims. “We need to set Sirius on a bunch of kids, blow up a house, and possibly stab some wizards!”

“We’re also out of magic sweets,” Ruby adds, as if it’s just as important. In her opinion, it probably is.

“You’re taking this remarkably well, Professor,” Hermione says tentatively.

“I’m nearly broke again, my only remaining friend is on the run from the law, the crazy Dark wizard that killed the others is back again, I’m going to attempt to murder people in a week’s time, and my mind is fried from being around James Potter and Sirius Black for ten years,” Lupin tells her flatly. “I don’t have the energy nor the sanity to protest.”

“Good, want to help us rob, render homeless, and possibly murder Walden Macnair?” Sapphire asks eagerly, bloody sparkles dancing in her eyes. “The sooner we get that done, the sooner we can take over Wizarding Britain.”

“And the sooner we get candy,” Ruby adds, grumpily licking a lollipop.

“You’re related to Ron, aren’t you?” Harry snorts.

“You can keep her, if you like,” Jet adds.

* * *

_Walden Macnair found dead in destroyed home – Aurors suspect foul play._

“This is a terrible situation,” Dumbledore says gravely.

“The fact Macnair’s dead, or the fact we’re sharing chairs?” Sirius snarks. He himself is perched on top of a resigned looking Lupin (“You’re not a dog, Sirius, stop it!”) and has a wide grin on his face.

“Yes, well, you really shouldn’t have let Grimmauld Place burn, Sirius,” Dumbledore scolds, looking exceedingly disappointed. In fairness, Sirius would be too, because they’re currently meeting in Hestia Jones’s apartment, and it’s _tiny_ , to the point of McGonagall sitting on

“I didn’t! It was the damn house elf!” Sirius protests, putting on his best innocent face. It’s good enough to pass, really, but nobody’s going to buy it, because he’s done so many ridiculous things in his youth that this is really just the sprinkles on the icing on the cake.

“Could’a been anything,” Moody points out. “Constant Vigilance, I say. Any old Death Eater could have killed him for any old reason. Maybe he upset You-Know-Who?”

“I have received intelligence that Macnair was found with a number of lacerations and deeply embedded projectiles within him,” Dumbledore tells the Order, looking even more upset than he was a moment ago.

There’s a general chorus of “What?”, apart from Emmeline Vance, who just nods gravely, and Sirius, who has been living in the Ides for long enough to know what the jargon means.

“He means,” Emmeline says calmly, “They were stabbed – slashed, really – with some sort of sharp object multiple times, and also shot with a firearm – that’s a muggle wand that fires really tiny bludgers into you.”

“Isn’t Macnair the Death Eater working as an executioner?” Kingsley asks slowly. “Surely this is good news for us.”

“Vigilantism is not the way,” Dumbledore replies, tone that of a preacher. He regards the Order over his spectacles. “This is a danger to us. If the Order is seen to be killing Death Eaters, the public will find us distasteful.”

“Is Voldypants even back?” Sirius asks, rearranging his face into one of incredulity. “I mean, crazed Death Eaters, sure, but Harry never mentioned anything about Voldemort.”

Dumbledore gazes at Sirius for a moment, and Sirius looks back calmly, internally thanking Jet for his paranoia surrounding wizarding mind-control techniques. Dumbledore can’t obviously read his mind now, and Sirius has made it clear that not only is he exceedingly effective at hiding and fighting (“Leaving presents for the French Aurors is fun. That was the fifth serial killer, you know!”) , he is also a loose cannon. Eventually, the old man speaks. “Harry was very clearly in shock. I have reason to believe they in fact succeeded that night.”

“Whatever’s happening, we need to do something!” Tonks, a new and rather overeager recruit, thumps the table with her fist.

“We will, Tonks,” Lupin says soothingly.

And they will.

* * *

Dolores Jane Umbridge is quite possibly the nastiest woman Harry has ever met, and he saw(and subsequently exterminated) a cannibalistic, torturing one just a week before the beginning of term. The toadlike woman seems to harbor a certain dislike for him, doesn’t allow them to practice any magic in DADA classes, and treats everyone like five-year-olds – at least, that’s what Seamus loudly complains. Harry wouldn’t know, really.

Things like this are exceedingly quick to come to a head; after all, cool exteriors can hide hot tempers, and Umbridge seems excited to incite Harry to violence as quickly as she can. Angelina is furious at him for getting a week’s worth of detentions. They’re falsely earned. He wasn’t really that angry that he needed to stand up and talk back to his teacher, but people’s expectations are important. He tells Angelina that he’s sorry, he’ll make the next session, he’s sure she’ll make good choices, she’s a brilliant player, he’ll try to control himself. It doesn’t quite satisfy her, but she knows he’s being needled, comprehends the need to stand up, even if she can control it.

The Undersecretary’s quill cuts lines into Harry’s hand, but it’s nothing compared to the Cruciatus or even the dim memories of his uncle and cousin. The thing that angers him the most is what he’s to write. _I must not tell lies. I must respect my superiors._ As if he’s at fault for Dumbledore spouting what is, ironically, the truth about Voldemort’s return. As if she, the most loathsome creature he has seen bar none, is his superior… no.

Harry is no Dark Lord, but he is no sweet boy either. He will tell her the truth, he will respect his superiors, oh yes. It will be as easy as walking.

She is only a small obstacle, but Harry hates her almost as much as Voldemort himself.

Harry shows off his scars to the common room. He asks if it’s legal. If she can do it. Speculates as to where she got such objects. Hermione is able to look it up – it’s legal, if only by a technicality. No matter. Harry is quiet in his next class, though he lets his face show his anger. Then he speaks up again, earns another detention, bows his head at Angelina’s wrath as McGonagall watches and warns him to keep his head down. She means well, McGonagall. She could be a great general, but she’s too idealistic. Oh, well. It will be her choice in the end.

The school is alerted to the mess in Umbridge’s office by a yell of male horror and a scream of female fright. Poor Ginny was terrified, remembering her incident with the Basilisk, they whisper. Even Harry thought it was a mess, they say. When the two arrived at the office, Ginny telling Harry about the Quidditch trials, neither of them could possibly have been prepared for it. For the bloodstained carpet, for the mangling, the violence.

And if Ginny has a half-hour-old silencing spell on her wand and Harry has a toy gun in his trunk, if Fred and George have recently bought a large quantity of dungbombs, if Ron has mucky fingers and Hermione is a little too good at transfiguration, the Aurors don’t pay attention. Wizards are bad at forensics. Nobody checks for the time of death. They simply assume. After all, someone would have come by, there’s no way the murderers could have headed people off.

Is there?

* * *

Voldemort is going crazy, Harry notes. His ranks are dropping in number, his potions master is incompetent with lack of practice. He responds with numerous hits on muggle targets, not that the magicals seem to care.

Oh, poor blind creatures.

Dumbledore is going mad himself, for remarkably similar reasons. He has no intel, and his only spy is getting nervous. Sirius is meant to be staying at Remus’s (he’s Remus, now, it’s been too long listening to such an impersonal epithet), but as the once-professor claims, how can he hope to control a jumpy, cabin-fevered Sirius when he couldn’t control the normal one, even with a big shiny badge?

Poor, blind old man.

What’s the point of cutting curses, of dark spells and Avada Kedavra, when your visible enemy wears the hide of Slytherin’s own creature? What’s the point of all your training when an invisible enemy can hit you with a deadly shot faster than you can draw your wand? What’s the point of the age difference when the last things you see are the glints of metal and cold hazel eyes in saccharinely smiling faces? What’s the point of requiring a member of a listed family on the Sacred 28 to let you in when you’re cut down before you can convey your master’s mistake? What’s the point of allying yourself with Dark Creatures when all but the most insane turn around and attack you?

Poor, blind, broke, _dead_ Death Eaters.

The Room of Requirement is so very, very useful, both for collecting allies at school and for escaping to raid places he despises, the homes of those who stand in the way. There is nothing like seeing their shock, whether it be from death at the hand of a muggle weapon, the mistake in truly believing in pure-blood families, or normally quiet, kind green eyes glinting with maleficence.

Sirius is not lying low, as Snape tries to insinuate.

Lupin is not recruiting for the Order, as Dumbledore believes.

Harry is not being a good boy, and nor are his friends.

Such a shame…

* * *

“Done,” Jet says calmly. “The Cullens are down.” Another day, another family removed from the equation – this one a muggle crime gang. Good riddance, and good supplies, though Emerald still doesn’t know whether to sell the drugs or use them to overdose someone.

Overdose, Sapphire decides gleefully. She’s never seen that before.

Overdose, Harry agrees. He knows the perfect person.

Oh sure, Voldemort has his trinkets… but he has plans for the snake, and the others are more appropriately placed in the past tense. Ruby had fun. Horcruxes scream when they’re killed, and Emerald, a verified sweetie in comparison to her two brutal sisters, is the only one who seems off-put, complaining of earache of all things.

It’s so easy to sneak in and cast a group Imperius on Snape, have him deliver the poisoned potion. It’s over so very quickly, and wraith rises up in rage for a moment before numerous people jump on the snake, wrestling it down as Ruby happily performs the final action, just as she did for the vessels before.

“Can I have it?” she asks when it’s over. “The pattern’s so pretty. I’d like, I dunno, a purse? And some shoes.”

Why not, they think. The sight of a pretty Muggle girl wearing the skin of the Dark Lord’s beloved animal servant… Not that there are many direct Death Eaters left. Those that still live are too well protected for the strike team… not so for the Wizard’s Order, though. They will go, eventually.

“Loot the manor. Remove anyone you come across.”

It’s progressed so very far from the days when Harry wondered at his companions innocence, assured them death was just a precaution. Perhaps he was innocent then, too. But by now, it no longer matters, just like so many other things. Ron is now an expert at checking for dark curses and dispelling them, in action and in the celebration after, Hermione is an expert at unconventional combat, the girls are a killing unit, Jet is a dead shot. He is a thinker and the unexpected fire.

It’s going to be so very easy, just as he thought it would be.

* * *

Storming the Ministry feels good. The transition goes smoothly – little real opposition, though Dumbledore’s army, planted within, looks to be in shock, especially at the vicious grins they receive. There’s a certain pleasure in removing the Wizengamot, another in removing the Ministerial office.

By the end of the day, countless people are ready for Hermione’s cool processing. Fighting, slurs, anger – it won’t help them, not when Harry has placed their immediate fate in the hands of the most logical and yet most Gryffindor witch he knows. The people will be fully vetted later, but a panel of his trusted, but for now, they’re organized by danger – shall they be sent home, to holding cells, to Azkaban?

He lets his core people sit down in the Wizengamot. It’s a little squishy on the Chief Warlock’s chair, even if Ron and Hermione have no interest in it – the triplets, for one thing, have grown, and Jet can only take so much weight on his legs. It feels good nonetheless. He’s done it.

It’s amazing how easy it is to solidify his hold on the population. He has a newspaper, courtesy of dear unfazeable Luna; a crack police force headed by a certain pair of twins; a personal strike force led by the two younger redheads; Hermione heading the trickier bits with Percy’s help, the older Weasley helping with new legislation as well. And with magic, properly used, in their hands…

Harry stands in the centre of a burning house and smiles at Jet, his first friend. “We’ve done it.”

“We have,” Jet agrees, wiping his bloody hands on his jeans. “Shame the girls couldn’t come.”

“Well, that’s south-west England covered,” Harry says. “Time to move on, I think?”

“Always,” Jet smiles.

The future is bright.

Perhaps Fleur might be conducive to a plot to conquer France? It has its own problems, after all…

Harry is a megalomaniac, really. He knows it. He’s no savage like Voldemort, but he has blood on his hands. He’s fine with it.

It’s time to go home. Ruby and Ron will be pigging out on candy by now, Sirius has probably turned some prisoner’s head into a pumpkin, and Hermione, Percy, and Remus working on werewolf legislation will no doubt have turned up far too much paperwork. As for Ginny and Sapphire heading the strike team… there’s going to be quite a bit to clean up. Harry needs to solidify magical Britain before they take over Muggle Britain. Small first, then larger…

And then, the world. A kingdom to rule and share. How perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This version of Harry was... interesting. Balancing the megalomaniac with canon!Harry resulted in an interesting psyche.  
> Somehow, in an attempt to differentiate the triplets, they ended up with a little more personality than Jet himself.  
> I hope you enjoyed this two-shot!


End file.
